


In the Quiet of Space [His Thoughts are Loud]

by ScifiSOS



Series: A boy named Lance [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Langst, No Suicidal Thoughts, minor s3 spoilers, no seriously this is sad af to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:31:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScifiSOS/pseuds/ScifiSOS
Summary: Lance knows they don’t mean it. He knows they’re just fooling around. It’s just some days he’s drowning and these thoughts just pull him down further. And the quiet of space makes his thoughts so much louder.





	In the Quiet of Space [His Thoughts are Loud]

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus christ, I'm all angst. I am kind of sort of dealing with my own depression while writing this. My poor baby Lance. I'm so sorry. I'll give you some fluff moments with the team I swear.

The suckiest thing about living in a giant castle ship, _in space_ , is that it is very quiet. Technology so advance you don’t even hear the hum of the ship. You don’t hear much at all. This castle went from having hundreds and thousands of people roaming the hall to five teenagers, two adults, and four mice. It’s silent to the point of being disconcerting.

So Lance thinks it’s perfectly okay to not like living in the ship. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be here. He knows he’s needed to form Voltron.

‘ _Or do I just like to think that?’_

Lance hugs his knees tighter and presses his face against his legs. He hates how loud his thoughts seem in the quiet of space.

Everything that has happened so far has helped him grow so much – he knows this. **_He knows this_**. It just hurts to know that his team still thinks of him as some goofball. And he realizes that he acts like it. He’s just so used to having to force himself to smile, to just sound happy when really he’s just-

- _dying a little more inside-_

-so tired that it’s hard to keep up. His mother once told him-

- _Laughter. Water beneath his feet. Tiny hands in his. A strong arm over his shoulder. Smothered in warm hugs_.-

-“fake it until you make it.” And he’s trying. He’s trying so hard. He thought he was past all this, at the Garrison, but then you go out into this vast open space and you have your team but-

- _a dark feeling lingers in the back of his mind, casually caressing the curve of his neck, shivers running up his spine, heart sinking inside his chest, wide smile on his face, it leans in to whisper_ -

- _you’re still alone_.

Allura and Keith seem to be taking him more seriously. It’s nice, he feels validated and needed. Because seriously, he knows Keith would have been lost without him. Pidge and Hunk just seem to be doing their own thing, too scared to really step up or perhaps they just don’t get it. So it’s nice to feel needed but-

- _Keith is miles and miles away and he’s still so far behind, crawling on thin ice, not sure if he’ll make it much farther without-_

-he thinks Keith pushing themselves too hard. It brings a small smile to his face because Keith is all action and emotion. Lance doesn’t know how he survives feeling so much. It makes him feel-

- _a soft warmth he doesn’t want to acknowledge, lack of understanding to how he doesn’t get it, he just wanted to hear that he matters_ -

-odd.

Lance sighs, rubbing his eyes against his knees. Other hand lifting to wipe tears away. He hates this. He hates this silence. He needs noise but there isn’t anything here to distract him. Pidge took their headphones back long ago.

He stares into the darkness of his own room, it scares him. It deepens the sinking feeling in his chest and next thing you know-

- _he realizes that the team doesn’t need him as much as he needs them because he’s the goofball- just the seventh wheel_ -

-his chest is heaving with each sob. He covers his mouth because Keith’s room is close by and everything is just-

 _So_.

 **Loud**.

He thinks about Shiro, looking ragged and tired. The man deserves a long vacation and he wonders how-

_-he seems to be able to hold himself together much better than Lance could ever hope for-_

-he even managed to get into the hands of the Galra in the first place. It doesn’t make sense and there is an uncomfortable feeling building up each time he thinks of it but he brushes it off. He’s just worried how Shiro and Keith will get along now. It has to be hard-

- _much harder than his silly insecurities. It’s hard to remember that it’s not a competition_ -

-to step down after leading for so long. He wonders if he gets a sense of purpose leading them, if he’s like Lance-

- _but much better, and stronger, and capable and_ -

-needing to help others in order to keep going.

Lance digs his nails into his arms, his legs ache around the area he’s holding but he doesn’t loosen his grip. He bites his lower lip as he sniffles and cries.

_How much more pathetic can he get? Crying in the dark like a child._

He wishes he could turn his brain off. Lance knows this dance. This downward spiral. He knows he should have talked to someone about it. But-

- _Hunk is so busy now and Pidge never really had time for him and Allura is a princess who lost her whole civilization and Keith doesn’t seem to pick up on it even after Lance tried to reach out, Coran could understand, perhaps even Shiro but_ -

He doesn’t want to be more of a burden than he is already. Fate of the universe and all that.

So Lance thinks it’s perfectly okay to bottle it up for times like these. **_Alone_** _. In his room. **In the vastness of space**._ It’s not that he doesn’t want to say anything. It’s fine. **_It’s fine_**. He knows he’s significant to the universe, to his team, to Voltron, to his family…

 _Right_?

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I'm probably just going to do a series of Lance. Nothing that relates to each other. And with Klance or Shance pairings. Personally leaning towards Klance more because...idk. I enjoy it more. But I can definitely see the appeal to shance lol. I'll probably try to write something fluffy later.
> 
> I'm probably going to use this when working on my lance story. 
> 
> honestly, it sucks that you can't just...shrug depression off. Like oh it goes away, but its always kind of lingering and becomes more evident the longer you ignore it. Next thing you know, you're like lance crying from midnight to early morning because your brain doesn't know when to shut up.


End file.
